Of Zen, Craftmanship, and Weekend Plans

I need to learn how to chill out. Seriously. I am, as a person, very nervous. Sometimes it blows out of proportion. I get scared for the smallest things, and I don’t realize the effect it has on my attitude, my self-esteem (and therefore my performance), and my sleep (and therefore health).

Sometimes stressful situations will roll off my back like water on a duck. Other times I’ll freeze out of fear. I still don’t know what makes me trigger, but it’s really getting on my nerves. I’m afraid that my nervousness and my fear comes through during some of my classes, and that maybe I end up destabilizing the kids. Isn’t the whole point of these classes for them to feel good about themselves and to have fun? Having a nervous and fearful teacher won’t give that effect. I need to zen-out.

That being said, I have another artistic outlet that I realized I haven’t explained yet.

I’m learning how to carve. Saramacca-style. They call that “Tembe”, which is interesting, as the word “tembe” is also used for any other craftsmanship, including hair-braiding. (Hair-braiding here is an art. Seriously.)

So for the past few months, I’ve been slowly designing a chess board with Saramacca designs on the edges. My teacher has been VERY patient with me. Wood-carving demands for precision and arm-strength. I’m definitely lacking the necessary arm-muscle, so it doesn’t take long for me to get tired! Therefore, I’ve been bringing my chess board home and working away at it little chunks at a time. I am now finished drawing and outlining everything with a thin cut. The next step that I’ll be taking today is sanding down the pencil marks, and then I start digging for real. (The 32 squares’ outlines have been dug out already.)

“In the Baha’i Cause arts, sciences and all crafts are counted as worship. The man who makes a piece of note paper to the best of his ability … is giving praise to God.” — ‘Abdu’l-Baha, The Divine Art of Living, p.65

This is something we’re discussing today with the older kids at PK-10.

Other items on this weekend’s menu:

• Kite-making
• Little celebration for the younger kids since they finished their “chapter” (which included putting a jewel on a crown every lesson – the crown is full, so they get to make themselves a crown – they’ve been looking forward to this …)
• Feast at the Doekoe’s house on Sunday night (“the Doekoes’” is the family with my adored five girls youth group – this is the first Feast they’ll be hosting in a long time, so in all, everyone’s excited)
• Sanding down my chess board
• Maybe getting my hair fully braided. We’ll see. Irène (friend at PK-10) has done a successful test last week.

Some Reflections

“As the spirit of man after putting off his material form has everlasting life, certainly any existing being is capable of making progress; therefore, it is permitted to ask for advancement, forgiveness, mercy, beneficence and blessings for a man after his death because existence is capable of progression.” — Abdu’l-Baha, Some Answered Questions, p.231

It is hard sometimes when Baha’is don’t get the chance to write a Will and Testament – this happens often when these people are illiterate. At the time of death, there are certain ways to treat the body and a certain prayer that we must respect. Unfortunately, in many parts of the world, the surrounding community isn’t Baha’i, and are not aware of these. So without a Will, the family and/or the community taking care of the burial must do what they think is right. This can easily turn into the family and/or community denying the deceased was ever a Baha’i.

Thankfully, this was not the case today. Yes, the lady was a Baha’i. No, she hadn’t written a Will. Yes, the surrounding community insisted on a Catholic ceremony and burial (This is not a bad thing in itself – on the other hand, I have no idea if it was denied this lady was a Baha’i or not, which is one of the dangers.). But the family called us in the morning to inform the Local Spiritual Assembly that their deceased mother was to be buried that afternoon, and asked if someone who knew the Prayer for the Dead could come. That fell on me, everyone else having previous engagements.

So at 4 o’clock, I made my way to the cemetery, not quite knowing what to expect. The cemeteries here are quite different than in North America – they include ceramic tile covers on top of the tomb itself, which make a very colourful sight. Minutes later, a bus and a few cars came, and people dressed in white (the mourning colour here, apparently – I felt a little out of place with my black blouse …) followed the casket to the tomb. I received a few hellos and smiles from family members, some whom I recognized as my French students. That was encouraging, and it also confirmed that my presence there was accepted. And so, while the casket was slowly lowered and covered, I stood a little ways away and recited the Prayer alone.

It was the strangest feeling ever.

Note to self: write a Will and Testament. I may not be old, but hey!, that bus could squash me tomorrow, couldn’t it?

Gentleness

“Conquer a man who never gives by gifts; subdue an untruthful man by truthfulness; vanquish an angry man by gentleness; and overcome an evil man by goodness.” — Mahabharata, of the Hindu Writings

You know, you can look at a counsel like the one above and think, Oh yeah, I understand what that means. But what you don’t realize is that all you understand is the theory. You haven’t yet tried to apply the theory into action.

I have previously, in this blog, voiced my concern for an excess of violence in the children’s surrounding culture, boys and girls alike. Some weeks, there will be almost nothing to worry about. Other weeks, there will be such violent outbursts within one of the children’s group that it strikes you dumb.

This week had such a case. In this class one class, there were only three children in their own house this time, so the class structure was a little loose. Everything seemed to be going fine. In this particular group, somehow, this one kid keeps being picked on. Everyone seems to know he reacts to anything you do to him, and this gives him the image of a mean kid. And because of that “mean kid” image, the others feel it is OK to pick on him. (This is a reoccurring pattern in most of my children’s classes, but that’s a whole other topic of its own.) The kid really just needs to control his emotions, but try teaching that logically to a six year old who still barely knows you. Not easy.

So it has come to plain and simple intervention from my part. Verbal intervention, and if necessary, physical intervention. This, with the best effort not to vilify, insult, ridicule, or hurt anyone. There have been some particularly violent outbursts where I did not feel comfortable to intervene yet: I was afraid the kids would see it as a threat, or that I’d get someone or myself hurt even more in the process.

Yesterday though the boy came on to his older sister with such a vengeance that it seemed he would never stop – not only that, but I had seen what the sister had done to provoke him, and even though she didn’t deserve the beating, it was plain that the boy was just fed up. So I did something I never thought would work: I wrapped my arms around him like a hug (while avoiding the flailing arms and legs) and gently repeated “stop, stop, I know she hurt you, please stop” – and incredibly enough, the next moment, he was hanging limp in my arms, with the saddest face of defeat. I couldn’t believe it.

Some wouldn’t have though twice: they would have marched right up to the boy and beaten him, then sent him in a corner (or something along those lines). But by doing that, the boy only learns that violence is the answer to everything: control, power … the stronger one wins. The opposite can be true, though: “…vanquish an angry man by gentleness…” Hopefully they’re going to start understanding that power and abuse, whether physical or mental, isn’t the answer to everything. And when they understand that, the culture of violence will change. The most “powerful” ones become the most respected ones – the ones respected for their kindness, trustworthiness, gentleness …

But the children need to understand this before they start applying it in their daily lives. And other than by constant example, from my part and from their parents and teachers (whom I know beat the children everyday at school), I don’t know how to make them see it.

Baby steps.

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On a side-note: today, a violin arrived in the mail; I had one of the best children’s class ever; and we had French toast, with Wakefield dark maple syrup to boot.

Happy!

Other Happy Moments II

“As regards the celebration of the Christian Holidays by the believers: it is surely preferable and even highly advisable that the friends should in their relation to each other discontinue observing such holidays as Christmas and New Year, and to have their festal gatherings of this nature instead during the intercalary days and Naw-Ruz.

Further, there is no objection to Bahá’ís’ attending religious marriage ceremonies of their friends and relatives or take part in festivities usually connected with these events …” — (The Universal House of Justice, 1998 Dec 16, Traditional practices in Africa)

There. I said it. I don’t celebrate Christmas unless I have friends and family who invite me to a celebration. Which was the case every year, except, of course, this year. This was my first time with no Christmas tree, candles, presents, over-abundance of Holiday music. And you know what? I still had a very nice Christmas.

Why my 25th of December was nice anyway:

• my private French writing student didn’t show up in the morning. Aaahhhh, a free morning!
• only one child showed up for the children’s class in the afternoon – but she SO wanted to come and see us. We had fun.

(let it be known these two classes were scheduled by the students themselves)

• Wrote a piano, bass, and drum kit accompaniment for an all-girls Junior Youth class this afternoon. Had a ball.

Why my 26th of December is following suit:

• three boys from PK-10 (the village) came over – by BIKE (took ‘em about 45 minutes) – to work on their Rap. The plan was to check out the lyrics, but we got into the music instead, and these boys had a knack at clearly stating their ideas, with no musical theory training whatsoever. Last weekend, they were discouraged because they found out how hard it really was to create something of good quality. Today, they were hopeful.
• I got half an apple:

(apples are rare here. mmmmm, apple)

• I got a cheap date. I mean, I got cheap dates!:

(a story we’re studying with the girls’ group this afternoon includes dates, and they had never tasted them before)

• I’m about to go work with a group of girls who put a prayer to music (see Dec. 25th reasons to be happy), and I’m really, really looking forward to this class.

Musical Update

“…The art of music is divine and effective. It is the food of the soul and spirit. Through the power and charm of music the spirit of man is uplifted. It has wonderful sway and effect in the hearts of children, for their hearts are pure and melodies have great influence on them … It is necessary that the schools teach it in order that the souls and hearts of the pupils may become vivified and exhilarated and their lives be brightened with enjoyment.” (‘Abdu’l-Baha: Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 52)

I’ve been quickly reading my blog, and I’m sad to see I haven’t put much up since the viola died. I have a feeling people have the impression I’m extremely sad now because of that. Though devoid of an external instrument, I’ve been able to find a few musical outlets …

For one, I’ve previously mentioned that I was working on a rap with a few boys. Well, not only are they working on it – they’re beating the project senseless! I now have to make them come tomorrow so I can do some one-on-one polishing of their texts (make sure the lyrics are … ahem … clean, for example). They are quite hard on themselves and have high expectations. I need to make sure that I have just the right amount of constructive criticism, and the right amount of encouragement. Easier said than done!

My second outlet is with a bunch of girls, with whom I pulled out a short prayer and suggested we put it to music. Well. They were churning out musical ideas so fast, my pencil couldn’t keep up as I wrote down the notes. They had great ideas, and all I had to do was to make sure it all worked out together.

With these two projects now, on top of all the classes, I have to create a beat and bass riff for the rap, and a piano/band accompaniment for the prayer (as they want to perform it on World Religions Day, on the weekend of the 19th of January).

Yep. Not lacking in musical challenges.

Sure I miss the feel of the instrument, but I had to get over it quickly and get on with what had to be done here and now. And no – the music school down the street did not want to lend me an instrument. I guess that service might have been abused in the past or something. But thanks to a quick phone call to an Ottawa violin maker, my credit card, and to my wonderful family, I now have the necessary repair materials on their way. Bob and I will have a blast doing this.

Superstitions

“As to the question of evil spirits, demons and monsters, any reference made to them in the Holy Books have symbolic meaning. What is currently known among the public is but sheer superstition.” (From a Tablet of ‘Abdu’l-Baha: Spiritualism and Psychic Phenomena, p.3)

There is a fine line between respecting other people’s beliefs and dispelling superstitions. This is a challenge that I face with one of my children’s classes.

First, I must press on the fact that this class is a Baha’i children’s class, and I have been asked by the mother, who is also a Baha’i (but has 12 children and has just enough time in a day to feed, dress and clean all of them) to teach the children the Baha’i values, views, and beliefs. So, in any other situation, I would probably let it slide, as I want to respect other people’s beliefs even if I don’t agree with them.

As Baha’is, we don’t believe in what today’s popular culture calls “evil spirits”.

“In regard to your question concerning evil spirits and their influence upon souls, Shoghi Effendi wishes me to inform you that what is generally called evil spirit is a purely imaginary creation and has no reality whatever.” (From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, November 1, 1934)

So try telling 6 kids that there is no such thing as a little man named Chucky that comes out when it’s very windy, and if he touches you, you disappear with him. Especially when the story comes from their mother.

(After a brief discussion with the kids, I realized that, no, this does not concern the popular American horror movie “Chucky”, featuring an evil possessed doll, though it bears some striking resemblances.)

Why the mother would tell this story, I can only fathom: I know for a fact a lot of robbers do their work on the very rainy and windy nights, and take advantage of the excessive noise to pry their way into the house even when the owners are there (it happened to my hosts a few years ago). Perhaps it was to keep the kids inside and safe from robbers (again, 12 kids is a lot to control on your own, so a scary story may be effective in this case). Or perhaps it IS a traditional story (modified to include a modern name), and the mother believes it too.

Either case, I’m going to have to discuss the subject with the mother to see where the story comes from, and discuss the Baha’i view – and consequentially ask her if she, as a Baha’i, agrees with it, and if not, if she wants me to drop the subject with the children.

I know this may sound like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Kids believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy back at home; kids will believe stories until they are taught to think things through logically. The thing is, the stories here aren’t positive (Santa & Co. bring you treats and presents and money). People here live in fear of curses, and keep trying to hex families they don’t like (one of our friend’s family got “hexed” a few weeks ago by another family who wants their land: they put a bunch of dead animals-on-a-stick by the creek, their only source of water, along with candles and whatnot). Another example of a hex about a week ago: in the middle of an intersection nearby lay a cast-iron cemetery cross, flowers in a jar, candles, and a dead snake.

Families and tribes here have lived for centuries according only to traditions and superstitions. Even now, given the choice, they will do what is the tradition as opposed to what is the logical thing to do because according to them, the tradition is always right. The thing is, the world and the society evolves, and sometimes those traditions, if not those superstitions, don’t. The original reason why those specific traditions and superstitions arose in the first place may not be applicable anymore in the society they’re trying to live in today.

For example, the dead animal hex: putting dead rotting bodies by the land’s only source of water, therefore contaminating it, would have been a good way to effectively force the people living on the land to move (and later taking the land for yourself). But because people now know to boil water, and can disinfect it by other means, they don’t move. Yet, the “hex” was still placed on our friends’ land, and they are still afraid of the magical effect this “hex” will have on them and their land anyway (well, you have to admit: who wouldn’t be upset about having animal corpses strewn across their land).

The point is, stories like little “Chucky ” are only the tip of the iceberg.

It’s not my place to force people into believing anything. The only job I have with these classes is to teach them what the Central Figures of the Baha’i Faith have taught us. What they believe afterwards is up to them. I just find it sad that those beliefs are the source of many fears and many, MANY family feuds.

Teacher only looks at the bright side!

“Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom.” – Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u'llah (1976 U.S. Edition), CXXIII, p. 260.

“Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary. It is not, however, permissible to strike a child, or to vilify him, for the child’s character will be totally perverted if he be subjected to blows or verbal abuse.” – Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Baha (1978 Baha’i World Center Edition), no. 115, p.139. [the bold lettering is an addition by me]

The top excerpt from Baha’u'llah’s Writings has been on my mind for sometime. Education systems these days often regard children as empty buckets to be filled up. But that is not the case: any teacher can attest that after the first few classes they can point out a child’s main character traits. If one looks closely enough, the child’s talents, may they be academic, artistic, or social, start showing up too. That’s the idea of the “mine rich in gems”. And that is a technique strongly advised for the children’s classes teacher. Let me use my personal experiences of the past few weeks to show the difference.

Week 1:

Teacher (me) enters the porch where kids sort of settle. Teacher proceeds with introductions. Children hit each other a bit. Teacher is a little shocked and reacts to the hitting. Teacher keeps trying to go on through the lesson, but children keep hitting each other for multiple reasons, and Teacher reacts every time. By the end, Teacher is flustered. Teacher comes back home and dreads the next class with those children.

Meanwhile … Teacher talks about it to friends and family and consults the Baha’i Writings about the subject. Teacher decides to take another approach.

Week 2:

Teacher enters the porch, where children slowly trickle in. Teacher does the roll call. Later, child hits other child. Teacher gently but firmly takes the hitting had away and reminds children that in this class, there will be no hitting, and ties in the comment with the lesson (“In the garden of thy heart, plant naught but the rose of love …”). Later on, teacher stuffs her fingers in her ears and sings loudly when a child starts backbiting (saying anything negative about another child)*. Children laugh, but most importantly, they start getting the point (and if not, they see I won’t listen anyway).

Because of the now more peaceful attitude in the class, Teacher starts recognizing “gems” in every child. Teacher is mostly happy to find the gem of super-fast-and-precise-at-learning-melodies-and-rhythm in the child that seemed to be hitting the most. By focusing on the child’s positive attributes, the child slowly stopped hitting others and trying to get attention through his talents (as he was obviously getting more from me by singing well).

The difference: Teacher didn’t let the hitting affect her emotions, and showed the children she really WAS interested in them, what they can do, who they are, and that she’s not just a rule monger.

Yep.

If some of you were trying to figure out what in the world I was doing with children’s classes.

*In the Baha’i laws, backbiting is up there with murder and stealing.