Of Zen, Craftmanship, and Weekend Plans

I need to learn how to chill out. Seriously. I am, as a person, very nervous. Sometimes it blows out of proportion. I get scared for the smallest things, and I don’t realize the effect it has on my attitude, my self-esteem (and therefore my performance), and my sleep (and therefore health).

Sometimes stressful situations will roll off my back like water on a duck. Other times I’ll freeze out of fear. I still don’t know what makes me trigger, but it’s really getting on my nerves. I’m afraid that my nervousness and my fear comes through during some of my classes, and that maybe I end up destabilizing the kids. Isn’t the whole point of these classes for them to feel good about themselves and to have fun? Having a nervous and fearful teacher won’t give that effect. I need to zen-out.

That being said, I have another artistic outlet that I realized I haven’t explained yet.

I’m learning how to carve. Saramacca-style. They call that “Tembe”, which is interesting, as the word “tembe” is also used for any other craftsmanship, including hair-braiding. (Hair-braiding here is an art. Seriously.)

So for the past few months, I’ve been slowly designing a chess board with Saramacca designs on the edges. My teacher has been VERY patient with me. Wood-carving demands for precision and arm-strength. I’m definitely lacking the necessary arm-muscle, so it doesn’t take long for me to get tired! Therefore, I’ve been bringing my chess board home and working away at it little chunks at a time. I am now finished drawing and outlining everything with a thin cut. The next step that I’ll be taking today is sanding down the pencil marks, and then I start digging for real. (The 32 squares’ outlines have been dug out already.)

“In the Baha’i Cause arts, sciences and all crafts are counted as worship. The man who makes a piece of note paper to the best of his ability … is giving praise to God.” — ‘Abdu’l-Baha, The Divine Art of Living, p.65

This is something we’re discussing today with the older kids at PK-10.

Other items on this weekend’s menu:

• Kite-making
• Little celebration for the younger kids since they finished their “chapter” (which included putting a jewel on a crown every lesson – the crown is full, so they get to make themselves a crown – they’ve been looking forward to this …)
• Feast at the Doekoe’s house on Sunday night (“the Doekoes’” is the family with my adored five girls youth group – this is the first Feast they’ll be hosting in a long time, so in all, everyone’s excited)
• Sanding down my chess board
• Maybe getting my hair fully braided. We’ll see. Irène (friend at PK-10) has done a successful test last week.

Too much for my brain!

Wow, I’ve been silent for awhile, and I apologize to the few who keep checking out my blog.

First off, if you have read my Monday Log post, you may be aware that there was some uncomfortable discussions concerning equality of men and women. Though this was not the catalyst, it WAS the beginning of a very long 10 days where I had to re-evaluate the validity of some of my classes. At 20 classes of 1h30 each, I realized I need to cut a few – especially since I create more than half of the curriculum myself, and many classes don’t follow the same because of varying ages and/or levels. Let’s just say that breathing space is sparse.

And having the new perspective that maybe men and male students may not ever take me seriously, even as their teacher or their children’s teacher, put a new twist to things and gave me an explanation as to why a few classes were going wonky. I’ve never been directly disrespected (actually, they even tried to compliment me – though I’m a woman, I have interesting things to say, they told me). Anyway. This combined with feeling guilt for WANTING to drop classes, to deciding WHICH classes to drop, and finally dropping three (two were handed down to Philip, poor guy – but apparently he can and wants to take more), it was a recipe for an emotional roller coaster.

Result: With the help of the family with whom I’m staying, I’m making myself clear to co-workers that I have limits – I got to hand down a couple of classes to Philip – we’ll see if the attendance of a third class hits a bottom 2 again today and also cancel that one altogether – and I’m becoming vicious when it comes to attacking my special spare time.

Other result: I’m now taking time to spend more free time (it’s all about time, isn’t it) with some of the girls I work with, just as friends. The bonds being created are astounding. Went to Carnival with two young women and a little sister, and though this consisted of me driving around to pick up and drop off people for more than half the day, it was a nice change.

Carnival in a small town isn’t super spectacular – but the fact that they celebrate EVERY Sunday with parades and costumes and masks and having Amerindians wearing freaky gorilla masks and scaring children from village to village and having people all dressed in white with white masks eerily reassembling Ku Klux Klan and throwing flour at people, and having men dressed as women VERY well, and men covered in black shiny oil and hugging random passers-by … it makes it pretty funny to be there.

(more pictures to come soon)

And the result of all of this – forcing myself to slow down and get to know people better, saving some free time for myself, and having fun – gave me the initiative to do something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do: a short one-page comic. With a beginning, middle, and end. I just need to colour it (and that may take an eternity – seeing I’m so excited about this, I’m showing you guys the line art).

So this is my cartooning debut. Be gentle with me.

Hm.

Interesting.

Being in contact with people affected by the flu, getting three vaccinations in one sitting that attack my immunity system, and lying on a cold wooden floor for a few hours in a pretty but cold stone house, results in getting the flu myself.